Reflections: When adult siblings are estranged

My sister is 4 years younger than I am. In spite of the age difference, we have almost always been close. Our life growing up was very difficult for us, but we always had each other. Mom was mentally ill. She was in and out of the hospital a lot. Daddy did the best he could, but things were very difficult for him, too. His and Mom's relationship was turbulent most of the time. Mom spent a lot of time in bed. My sister and I quite often had to cook for ourselves, from an early age. Spilling or breaking something would be to incur her wrath. Too much mess or noise did the same thing. It seemed like she was always angry. Daddy held down a full time job at a factory. Most of the time he worked 3rd shift. When Mom got sick enough to go to the hospital, Daddy couldn't take care of us. He couldn't risk losing his job. Mom's hospital stays, doctor's appointments, and medications were very expensive. I'd pack, and Daddy would take us to West Virginia to stay with our grandparents. He knew his parents would take good care of us. We loved Grandpa and Grandma very much and they loved us. We also loved their home in West Virginia. It was home. My parents moved a lot, but Grandpa and Grandma's house was always the same. It had it's own smell, and it was wonderful. I know I'll never smell that scent again, and it makes me sad. When we were with them, we missed our mommy and daddy. Daddy would drive from Cleveland, Ohio almost every weekend to see us, then drive back the next day. When we went home, we missed our grandparents. Through all the ups and downs in life, marriages, children, and divorces, we stayed close. We have had our spats, but we have always made up sooner or later. Now she is mentally ill, I am her guardian. I had to put her in a nursing home. It was hard for me to do. She may never forgive me, but I did what the doctors and I thought was best for her. My three children have grown up and have children of their own. When they were growing up, I was a single mom, and we were very poor. I did the best I could. I tried very hard to be a good mother. I loved my children more than anyone or anything in the world. My worse fear was that I would lose them someday, or that I would lose their love. I loved them then, and now, all the same. I have never had a favorite. There was some of the usual sibling rivalry while they were growing up, but they seemed fairly close. They loved each other, I'm sure of it. I was a strict parent and they were good kids. None of them ever got into any legal trouble. They all finished high school, even my youngest daughter, who had a baby her last year of school. I helped her with the baby, and she helped me with a lot of things. We lived together for several years. My older daughter, the middle child, got married and had children. She grew distant from us, but we still got together for holidays. My son, the oldest child, moved an hour away, due to an argument. He became distant, but I still saw him at holidays. When my youngest daughter got married, they didn't approve of her choice for a husband, so they refused to go to the wedding. So did her father. My sister and her two kids, and I were the only relatives the bride had at the wedding. The kids still got together for the holidays, but they had all drifted apart. My youngest daughter had to work, so I always babysat for her. When she needed money, I helped her. When my oldest daughter left her husband, I helped her all I could, money wise, and I stayed with her and helped with the kids. She payed me back every penny I loaned her. I shouldn't have taken the money, but I thought I needed it at the time. My son was the last to marry. When his wife was expecting their first baby, he begged me to move closer to him and babysit for his new baby. I was the only person he trusted to take care of her. My youngest daughter and my grandchildren that I had helped raise from birth, begged me not to move. It was a very hard decision to make, but I chose to help my son, hoping for another chance with him, and a chance to know my grandchild. That was 2 years ago. Since then, things have gone from bad to worse. Jealousy and stubbornness has driven a huge wedge between all my children. My older daughter got mixed up in something, got into trouble with the law, and lost her kids to her ex-husband. I didn't have money to help with her legal problems. Now she hardly speaks to anyone in our family, other than her two young children. My younger daughter and my daughter-in-law won't speak to each other. There are no longer any family dinners or holidays together. My family is shattered. I am so hurt. I just pray that someday God will put my family back together, and that it will happen while I'm still alive to see it.